Pet Loss and Grief

Grief is a common and natural response to pet loss—whether the loss is due to natural causes, an accident, or euthanasia.

Losing a Family Pet and Grieving for the Entire Family

People who have lost a pet can feel a deep grief that can even surpass that felt by losing a loved human. 

And there are many people with pets out there. Two out of every three U.S. households (68%) have one, reports the National Institutes of Health (NIH). 

Pets typically provide levels of unconditional love, loyalty, joy, and comfort that humans often can’t begin to match. A 2022 Self Magazine article noted the NIH found “animals can boost your mood and increase feelings of social support. A 2021 study also found that having an animal in your home can help lessen social isolation and ease loneliness.”

The Grieving Process

Your pet can essentially become an extension of you. So this loss can be devastating and create prolonged, painful grief.  The loss of a pet affects everyone differently. Your age, personality, your pet’s age, available support, and the circumstances of its death are among all the ingredients in your personal recipe of grief. The more significant your pet’s role in your life was to you, the greater your grief. Suppose they were a service animal, therapy animal, or working dog. In that case, you’d be wrestling with the loss of your companion – but also your independence, emotional support, or a co-worker. It is a loss that can devastate an entire family but impact each member differently.

Some people will need 3-12 months before they again feel “normal.” For many others, it may take up to 24 months, according to the wellness site SELF.com. Don’t feel you’re falling short in the healing process - grief is tenacious. And don’t let anyone tell you how to feel because, after all, “it was only a pet.” Your pain is real, and it’s normal to feel a range of emotions after losing a pet. So be patient with yourself and allow the process to unfold at its own pace and along its own path.

Coping with Grief 

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified the stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, also known by the acronym DABDA. Each grieving person finds themselves navigating many or all of these stages, which come with their own unpredictable sequence, with some stages returning multiple times. 

Many people will experience only some of these stages of grief, and some people will endure painful emotions that don’t fit within the DABDA model. The grieving process is complex for each person as they wrestle with loss and healing, and what they need from others during this time is empathy and support.

So what helps one person cope with grief might not help another. Someone may want to keep their pet’s favorite toy as a reminder. However, that reminder may be too painful for another person, so don’t be afraid to let it go. 

"The bond we share with our pets is a profound and unique connection, making the loss of a beloved companion incredibly difficult," says psychologist Dr. Michele Haley. ” It's essential to remember that grieving for a pet is a valid and natural process and that seeking support during pet grief is not a sign of weakness but an act of self-compassion. Talking to supportive friends and family who understand the death of a pet is a significant loss, or to a therapist, can provide comfort and understanding during this challenging time.”

You can also reach out to others who have lost pets. If your friends and family members are less sympathetic than you’d need, consider calling the ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline, or look for a pet loss support group or online message board. 

Funerals aren’t just for people. You can create one for your dearly departed pet. For example, you can spread their ashes in your favorite park or make a memorial spot in your home or yard. Invite who you like to the memorial service and express your condolences in any way that feels right.

You can even build a legacy by creating a photo album celebrating your pet’s life, planting a tree, or doing anything that fondly reminds you of your time together.

Be sure to look after your physical and emotional needs because loss and grief can be stressful. Regularly engage with those in your social circle. Eat a healthy diet, exercise, and get enough sleep.

Don’t forget your other pets because they still need you to maintain their daily routines and give them love. Moreover, they can also boost your well-being and help guide you through your grief. Some studies show that pets also grieve, as death also affects them. Supporting the grieving process for both human and animal family members can help everyone heal.

Advice for Seniors

A pet often provides single seniors with a sense of purpose and self-worth. Its loss can hit these seniors especially hard. This is why it’s so important for seniors to try to stay connected, preferably face to face, with family and friends – every day, if possible. It might be a good time to contact old friends or neighbors and meet for a meal. Pets help many seniors stay active, so consider joining an exercise class, like yoga or aquatics. 

Seniors hesitant to get another pet for fear of the pet outliving them may instead want to volunteer to help needy pets. Adopting or fostering a senior pet could also be the answer. Either way, volunteering in any capacity is always an excellent option to socialize, keep busy, and feel productive.

Helping Kids Grieve

Many children might have no memory of life without the family pet that just passed, and this might also be their first first-hand experience with death. 

“The death of a family pet can trigger a sense of grief in children that is profound and prolonged and can potentially lead to subsequent mental health issues,” according to this Science Daily article. 

Parents, this is a time for honesty with your grieving child. For instance, don’t pretend Fido ran away. Allow your child to grieve in their own way. Share your feelings of loss with them using age-appropriate boundaries and language. Let them feel proud they loved so strongly and feel so much compassion. 

If you decide to euthanize your pet, explain why and give your child some special time with your family pet beforehand. Discuss their feelings and thoughts, and share yours.

Be sure to include your child in a memorial service, should you hold one, and let them share their feelings and favorite memories. All this can help them process their loss.

Filling the Void

There’s no hurry to replace a pet that just passed. Allow the mourning process to run its course for everyone in the family. Living without a beloved pet is hard, but jumping into a new pet relationship can be an unconscious form of “replacement.” Since a pet can never indeed be replaced, taking time to assess what type of pet will fit into your changed household is essential in choosing a new best friend.

If you find that your grief is prolonged or intensifying, affecting your ability to function, remember that you don't have to face it alone. Seeking therapy or counseling from a trained professional can provide valuable support and guidance to help you navigate through your emotions and healing process.  

Resources

If you are experiencing a crisis or an emergency, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 in the United States. For the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline outside the U.S., please check for local crisis helpline numbers or access emergency services in your country.

National Crisis Prevention Hotline: Dial 988

Pet Loss Hotline:

Lap of Love Pet Loss & Bereavement Resource Line: (855) 352-LOVE (5683)

10:00 a.m. - 9:00 p.m. EST Monday-Friday

ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline:

(877) 474-3310

Article from TogetherWell

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